Business Therapy – health update

I am going to keep tabs on my health during the month of September, as I may have to adjust my schedule if things don’t go well.

Family day outdoors today was lovely. We had a picnic with a long walk along the foreshore. Beautiful view. Good for the soul.

Ok. A simple list.

  • brain dripping through nose again… haha or whatever it is.
  • lately I notice I get very cold, a number of times through the day (when no-one else is)
  • falling asleep during the day (probably catching up on late nights)
  • fell asleep at picnic table while writing up business email draft
  • shivering and chattering with cold, although dressed warmer than everyone else
  • queasy and exhausted for walk home, many rest stops
  • fell asleep immediately once home for couple of hours
  • convulsions, heart beat faster than usual and working hard
  • memories of trauma
  • got up weak, heavy, and wobbly/dizzy
  • slurred, sometimes garbled speech

Hmm. That looks worse on paper.

Just letting my readers know – there is nothing to worry about… all of these things have happened before, and I simply want to keep track this month to make sure things don’t get worse, or unusual. (Unusual even for me, that is!)

I think I have mentioned before that colouring in was very helpful in healing from post-traumatic stress, and that I do not have the fear/terror/panic/stress symptoms any more. Only the physical symptoms remain, meaning, my body is worn out.

So we will see just how worn out it is, and how much load it can handle.

Basically, working for an income involves a lot of work, some stress which would normally be classed as a healthy and positive stress, and an added weight of responsibility.

Then add the negative stress that can creep in, if allowed to… such as lack of confidence. Anger at the other parent who does not share the responsibility. And loading up extra thoughts of responsibility, such as paying back the taxpayer’s money that has supported us these last years.  And also, an awareness of the negative thoughts of others around me toward the situation I am in. I have to throw these thoughts off to maintain health.

Ok. So the healthy focus for now is to simply work towards $10,140 for the year. And stick to my one month plan to get it all started. I will document how realistic my goal is, of 15 contacts in the morning, 15 in the afternoon. And adjust it if necessary.

The ‘positive healthy’ stress of working for an income is complicated by the particular trauma I went through. It adds an unhealthy and negative stress. And this is something I will work through as things come up. It looks as though a re-run of some memories is naturally coming up, and it is more of a review, with my brain putting together the pieces into a continuous story, rather than disjointed pieces.

I have been in a situation before where I realized that my earnings were not enough to cover all expenses, and it was my love for those I cared for that kept me going through the stress. I am drawing on that feeling now as I set out to earn what I can, even if it may not be enough to cover all of our expenses.

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