Mañana

I put my Roadside Stall up at the gate, and it was an interesting process.

Before I could put it out, I designed some mini-flyers with email and website address on them, and some info about colouring. And added some shelter from the rain which spattered a bit in the morning, and held back with threatening clouds amid patches of sunshine.

Then I had to print 15 extra copies of the mandala colouring book, because there were more flyers than books.

The 20 books had me thinking… $2 x 20 comes to my initial goal of what to earn, five days a week.

Our dairy has closed down, on the corner.

I reckon sweets would most likely sell better than colouring books, in my location.

And now my brain is engaged on figuring out where is the best place to put my work up for sale. I am compiling a mental list, and a list of bookmarked locations online.

The process of putting up a roadside stall, which my kids have been familiar with since they were very young, is something that feels quite new for me. And it is different doing the whole thing for myself, than it is to provide the experience for those in my care.

I have worked in many businesses, and have not had experience in setting up my own. It is a big learning curve, and for me at least, involves a lot of emotional processes. I made no money today, and yet I feel richer in spirit, more filled with courage, and having a greater value and appreciation of my own work. It needs more colour, and a gallery environment, with a higher price tag. This requires a huge amount of courage. And somehow, to feel that I am capable of it, brings up feelings of great hurt and rejection as a person. It is sometimes easier to think that the negatives given to us by others are true or deserved, and to become just as negative and hard on ourselves, than it is to think and believe and accept that those others treated us so hurtfully.

Business therapy… To believe my work has monetary value to someone, without being ‘reduced’ to quantitative values only, is a difficult thread to weave into my reality. I have sold artwork for hundreds of dollars before… now and then. Always while I was working for a living in a field other than the fine arts.

I feel at a standstill, and it is because I am ready to start painting, and I am not ready at all. You know that feeling when someone gives you a blank stare? That’s what my blank sheet of paper gives me. I thought of printing out a circle to fill in, and it isn’t what is needed.

Might need to do something completely different. There are some very small squares of MDF and plywood that could become tiny paintings. One tiny painting might get me started.

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