A Story of a Minotaur, or “What a Lot of Bull.”

And this is how the story begins, with a letter, freshly written on rumpled lined paper, barely brushed free of sleep and hidden dreams.

Dear brother,

I walked down the maze,
and saw the Minotaur
eating human flesh.

His keepers wrapped a rope
around my delicate neck.

The stocks were for me
and my whole family.

And all that was left
of old Mr Plod,
was a cap
floating
in a cauldron of hot cat.

The Minotaur’s trainer
began the Appetizing Game,
Showing the wild monster
some blood
without screams.

(He did not wish
to put the beast off)

The stabbings began
and I was stretched on a rack;
The Minotaur slept
after a complex mating ritual.

What a lot of Bull.

The lid lifted on the maze.
The sun dried up the blood.
The mad Minotaur
screamed in pain
as the light shone bright
on all his mutated ugliness.

And his lovers
were shot, by a passing helicopter
of Armed Defenders.

They discovered the Magician
still clutching trembling wand,
curled up in the corner
repeating his own name.
They chopped off his fame.

Dear brother,
I saw
the mad Minotaur
as they turned him into mincemeat
and dug him into the garden.

Where now I sit.
Enjoy the sweet scent of blossoming Spring.
Dear brother,
It was a long time ago,
and I sincerely want you to know,

the madness of the maze
has been clearly exposed.

Your sister,
in truth.

===== Also on video courtesy of YouTube ====

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Blogs are not for making money

Okay, this is a business therapy update… I have learned that blogs are not for making money. It’s not the end of the world, just the end of the direction I was heading in. I still have the e-books, the art, and the technical skills I have developed over the last six-months to a year.

And lots of contacts online. The online community, and the flexible nature of working online are very important to me. I have advertised a “Meetup” for meeting people in the ‘real world’ and already I am finding it more and more difficult to visualize it as a sustainable thing for me. I have been noting my physical condition, and the mental processes relating to setting it up.

I still have trouble making phone calls. To the point where I am not making them. I have improved to the point where I answer my phone, and I am making calls out to close family. I am making appointments and keeping them, and this is all good. Minimal stress involved.

There are things that are outside of my control, and potentially dangerous, when it comes to meeting random people at a set date and time. When I start pushing into this sort of territory, the “symptoms” I have noticed are:

Avoidance (as in phone calls.) I know that if I push it, this will lead to a stress response which gets my immune system all fizzed up. Kind of like asthma or allergic reaction.

Tearfulness, and feelings of dread, at random times of day.

Nightmares. And sort of daymares..

My mind goes through all the scenarios of the potential danger I would face. Although I am not experiencing terror or panic, I am feeling the heightened stress and pressure.

I would have to kind of go all hyper and almost pretend to be someone else in order to push through it all, and from experience this would last about three months, before needing a doctor’s appointment for stress/exhaustion, etc. I foresee it would culminate in allergy problems, compromised immune system, which at this stage could lead direct to cancers due to the long-term nature of this stress, and things like chronic fatigue where the adrenals basically start to completely pack it in. Kept up too long and I face unconsciousness, coma, and death. Sounds morbid doesn’t it, but I have done my research.

In the last week I have fallen down three or four times. Have had trouble getting to sleep, mostly due to putting pressure on myself to speed up the process of earning an income online. My skin inflammation has worsened, and my legs keeping swelling up, on and off.

Prior to that, with the positive excitement from last February onward of setting up a business online, I have been really very healthy and happy. The daily art has helped I reckon.

I have another appointment soon, with the powers-that-be, and hope they might have some useful suggestions for how to handle things from here, with regard to my personal circumstances.

For now, I have an another e-book to put together! And this one is going to be marketed like none of my others have…. And, I am publishing and marketing it for someone else, not myself. This works well for me. If it sells well, (and I am aiming for a bestseller) then perhaps there are more e-books I could market for other people. We will see! ūüôā

(Ed: October 6th, Lost some kgs, and down another size in clothes. o.O Hehe don’t know whether to call it good or bad. Appetite poor, and queasy on and off. On the good news side of the picture, sunshine helps with de-stressing for sleep, as does a long walk, and a hot bath at the end of the day. A good sleep helps with thinking and ideas. Dentist visit might lead to an extraction, who knows, due to a split tooth. Toenails are brittle. Thoughts are a bit all over the place and I may hunt for an advocate on Monday. There are things that are hard to say, and possibly (hopefully) unnecessary to say. Please excuse all the notes! Best thing for calm at present is to trust in God.)

Thanks for following

I was going to take some time off after a difficult couple of weeks culminating in a difficult interview. And I decided No. I am going to stick it out like a skeleton crew and do what I can. (Tucks feelings away). I had to talk about why I believe in what I am doing, setting up a business online. Unfortunately this means pulling skeletons out of the closet. And they are not very nice to express with my voice. Let alone bring them to mind. Or put them on paper.

It’s not that bad really. For some reason I thought it would be good to make a dentist appointment straight after the interview. o.O When I got home I went straight to bed. I’ve replied to all my comments, visited my Facebook and LinkedIn connections, and am in the middle of revising my disjointed CV into something that can be posted online. I’m keeping it focused on the arts.

So, I will be getting out of the house for the next few days, with a bit of tooth fun at the dental place, a festival over the weekend with music and dance, along with the opening a food place by a couple who sing and play drums! It should be fun. I intend to fully take my mind off things.

Perhaps even celebrate. O says my heart, and starts singing… “My heart is down, my head is turning around, I had to leave a little girl in Kingston town…”

A long poem

with sweet breath
upon velvet skin
i breathe you in
hay and horseflesh

silky fur
static with sunlight
purring in delight
cat and meatbreath

fluttering beauty
fragile strength
hold my breath
butterfly sips nectar

rough and ready
panting hard
loyal eyes adoring
dog-roll and cow-pats

milky slowness
docile heaviness
maternity swells
cud-chewing bovine

playful antics
upon my warm bed
pouncing in mock attack
kitten chews my finger

budding blossoms
secrete scent
for sweet-seeking
birds and bees

‚ô•

Thought it was time for an animal poem. I love animals.

Honor her

Magnetic Poetry honor her

 

 

Butterfly and orphan cat

DSC08899

I finally got a photo of a butterfly. They are pretty shy and cautious and hard to get close to with a camera. This is what they are busy doing, laying eggs on the underside of the swan plant leaves.

There are a few photos to load up on to the Wildersoul Rainbows blog. I will get to it soon.

It is hard to believe that summer is not far away. It has been a very short winter, and an early start to warmer spring weather.

This butterfly is likely to end up in a colouring book…

As for the orphan cat… he/she is quite a character, and very very talkative. Pretty well all day and all night. It had a play with my camera strap so I got some unusual photos out of that. They will end up at Wildersoul Rainbows too.

Well… I will post one here.

DSC08924All is well.

Tiredness

Sharing problems? Mine is tiredness. Falling asleep at the table tiredness. Sleeping over 12 hours tiredness, and bone-weary muscle-ache tiredness… I hope it passes soon.

Sometimes my mind gets stuffed with ideas, and they may never be carried through to completion. So I am going to type a big glob of them out so they are no longer in my head. Do you ever do this?????

Alphabet colouring book, with one page per beautiful letter, and a short illustrated poem, with space for learning to write the letter underneath it all. Lots of time in the garden early springtime sunshine in a warm month of August which doesn’t seem like Winter at all. Medicine made of liquorice and aniseed, peppermints and chocolates, coffee, and sweet cakes, with juicy sweet oranges and soup-in-a-cup homemade. Truth and nothing but the truth, in a world of lies. Honesty as a healing and not as a weapon. Friends, in abundance, with time and space, and solitude for breathing and spontaneous uncalled-for smiles, giggles, and cats who are really kittens who haven’t unlearned how to kiss. Family who understand, even when they don’t. A garden that produces food all over, again and again. Money as a form of energy which flows where it is needed the most. Love which is intelligent and pours out in exactly the right dose, and knows when to ladle out double quantity at dessert time. Cream with sweet peaches in syrup. Cats that meow hello, and purr in a box with a sheepskin, and hiss and growl at night while staying in the doorway because they call it home, and you turn the outdoor lights on and go out, breaking off a stick from the nearby tangly bush and rattle it under the house and around about to scare off any intruder that has upset the orphan cat in a box on the doorstep. Blogs that collect views and followers and commenters all by themselves while you sleep. Special people who make themselves known… Words which are filled with light, and who knows where the light came from? A home that is mobile because it is carried in the heart. Space which is the depths of a great spirit, with stars that truly twinkle. Food that is not food, it is a meal, and shared with love. Smiles that bring tears. Weeping that brings smiles. Music that wrenches the heart into sobs, and songs that lift up to places divine. Colour that brings life, and a life filled with colour. Rainbows of hope that build bridges between hearts. Cool liquid that soothes the throat and brings sweet relief. A fresh pillowslip. A real bed. A place to call home, to rest your head.

For the fifth time……. so far…. good night!
It’s almost 10pm and perhaps my tiredness is wearing off! I’ll see how early I can roll out of bed tomorrow. Hopefully without headaches or faintness.

New routine

I’ve been feeling a bit ruffled since starting the dissolvingbuildings.com blog. This morning I thought of a new routine to try out. It may or not work in practice. Only one way to find out!

One. Spirituality… ¬†I need to find an outlet, and nourishment for the spiritual side of me. And it has to come first, so I’m going to start with this each morning.

Two. Means of living… Next I will work on dissolvingbuildings.com, creating content to encourage community interaction. I would like to highlight people’s work so I guess it would be a bit like an online publisher, or a niche bookshop… I’ll get it sorted, what kind of an animal is it really? I will allot it the time it requires early in the day.

Three. ¬†Healing, and giving to others… This means my colouring book. The artwork-a-day routine is very healthy for me, and I want to complete my goal of a year’s worth of artwork available for free over the internet. I want this to be a healing sort of environment.

Four. Interaction…. Instead of likes and follows, I want to make comments. Who knows what will come of it! I am interested to find out. I am wondering if the percentages will change. Instead of a smaller percentage of comments out of a very large amount of views, I want to see if I get a larger amount of comments from a smaller number of views. Because at the end of it all, I would like to grow a creative community of people with as little effort as possible in bringing them all together. Call me lazy (?!)

Five. Exercise. Probably between about 3-5pm. Maybe play with a basketball and shoot some hoops or something. Something a little more vigorous than my usual long walks.

Six. And this is the part I look forward to, and what is most often put off… Learning! I like to read, study, practice, and create. And perhaps, I could set apart this last part of the day to learn with others, in person somewhere. Mostly, I want to create a colouring book at home. And I need to devote some time to it. It has to be a little different from the standard colouring books.

I’ve simplified it a lot, and there are things missing which will probably shuffle into weekends and odd pockets of the day.

I avoid deadlines as much as possible, and setting specific times to do things. I do get very specific about my goals, and have regular checks weekly and monthly to review them and make changes or update them. Usually my timing is way out. I either achieve a goal in a few months that I set for a year, or I take a year or more to achieve something I set out to do in a few months. It’s all part of the process and I adjust the timeframe to suit as I go along.

Proof of my addiction to blogging

Yes, I am here, and I had intended to keep the laptop lid shut all day today. The sun is shining and we have not walked out the door to walk in it yet!

I had to let people know, that when you sell your e-books through Amazon, you are allowed to earn a commission of up to 10% for advertising your own book. How cool is that? I mistakenly thought that the commission didn’t count if I referred it from a link on my own blog. Found out I was wrong yesterday!

All you e-book authors out there, make a little bit more by joining up on this link: https://affiliate-program.amazon.com/gp/associates/join/landing/main.html

(Don’t listen to me, I got the percentage wrong before, best just visit the site and decide for yourself.)

I am hoping that my brain is improving, although on the surface it may seem like it is not. I am in wait and see mode, and hopefully will not need to visit a doctor. I had a bit of a cold recently and near the end got all stuffed up in the sinuses, with a headache. Sorry to get all graphic here…. As it was clearing up, I had some bouts of fluid leaking from my nose, in an unusual manner. Funny colour too – transparent but slightly hmmm yellowy-orange? in colour. ¬†Strangely reminded me of bile. And anyway, now I feel much better, and the cold is gone.

After a bit of research I am creating my own bit of fiction about my brain blowing up and bursting…. LOL! And that of course explains all my craziness…. In my invented story, I am much more calm and rational now than ever before, because my bubble popped and my brain is restored to normal size. Hehe, my kids tell another story… in which I am the same as ever…. Silly ole me!

Anyway, my day off was kind of hoping for time to let my brain cool off after all the work setting up another blog, which I am really wondering now if it was such a bright idea. I have too many really!

==== show’s over… that’s pretty well all the interesting stuff said and done, just boring notes to myself about my blogs beyond this point! Sorry folks! ====

I may squash my photography blog into this blog. Maybe.

My wildersoul.com blog has been a great place to learn about what doesn’t work for me. That’s partly why I started the new dissolvingbuildings.com blog. There are still things that work best on a self-hosted domain though. Any tricky things that need a script. Like the utilities that my son makes. Have you seen the blank-circle-frame generator? That won’t run on this blog, or on the paid WP.com blog. And the embedded Amazon shop is pretty cool. Can’t be embedded here, only linked, which takes the viewer off-site).

The problem with PayPal. It sends me your email and your name attached to your PayPal account. (I received my first payment just recently and so now I know.) This presents a problem. I would need to win people’s trust, and that would include providing a privacy policy, and some sort of security of data assurance written into terms of service or something like that. Legal stuff. ¬†Basically, “I won’t use your email address for anything except correspondence about your purchase, and will not give it out to anyone else.”

So although selling direct means a lower price for the buyer, and a higher commission for me, it comes with its own problems. Selling through Amazon, although they take commission off for themselves, has a trusted payment system in place.

CreateSpace has a thing where I can order my paperbacks at cost price, which is about $2.15 (US), and then I can change the delivery address to send the books to the person who wants to buy them. I will have to check if there is free delivery within the US. ¬†This could be a good option for bulk orders, for schools, or hospitals. I could ask for a very small commission on top. This could be good for orders of say 10 books for a therapist’s waiting room.

I feel disappointed about the PayPal situation. However, perhaps it is all part of building up a reputation and a brand, and putting all of the legal bits in place. That’s a big job to do and requires some research, and possibly trusting a lawyer of some sort.

The dissolvingbuildings.com blog has bridged a gap between my blog world, and my extended family. Which is a good thing, and is a stepping stone to connecting to the neighbourhood and community.

I have bottled up some excitement in what I call a special treat for myself. I bought a guillotine, no don’t call me Madame! And refilled the toner for our black and white printer, so I will be very soon designing colouring books and printing, trimming and stapling them myself. And printing off sheets of business cards on the special cardboard I bought. So the physical advertising in the community will start fairly soon.

Hopefully I will settle into a bit of a routine over the next week or two. I find it very hard to switch into new habits, it takes time and repetition. If you are reading all this boring stuff, then please bear with me over the next few weeks as I behave a bit like a spider in a spaceship, making very deranged-looking webs for a while, until I get things figured out and things are beautifully in order again.

Final thoughts… I want my wildersoul.wordpress.com free online colouring book mostly focused as a resource for those healing from trauma, of any kind. Any kind of therapeutic use. And of course available for children, homeschoolers, and others who love to colour. Because of this, I am not so keen on having a shop attached, or advertising on the site. All of that can zip over to dissolvingbuildings.com, which is really where we will chase our dreams, and set up in business as a family. In itself that is a very healing thing for our family. And it is leading on to changes in our offline life too. One of us has a part-time job offer for the next six months at least. When there is a motivated goal, then things start to fall into place.

Wishing you all the best for the weekend, if you have read this far! You deserve a break! (smiling…)

Anasera.

PS. don’t worry about my brain. It is probably inflamed from me eating wheat. We had a huge spicy moist carrot cake with cream cheese icing for our blog opening celebrations… and it is all gone now. Naughty me.

How I Became A Full-Time Freelance Writer and Blogger

Joe Warnimont shares practical words of experience with fellow bloggers. There are a few things I’d like to check out, such as Genesis as a platform for self-hosting. And I want to get serious about finding my niche. Recommended reading!

My new words to practice saying, and writing:

I am an artist

I am a poet

What do you get out of Joe’s story?

via How I Became A Full-Time Freelance Writer and Blogger.