Crying really deep down inside
tearing the core out
and staring at the worms in horror
how did they get there?
Spit out what is left over
and wash away the bitter aftermath
with tears

dark and locked in a dungeon
dry, dusty, and voiceless

Like the long stretch of barren beach
before the tsunami overwhelms
I drown in waves of sorrow
that flood my rumpled face

silently stain
as they release the pain
pent-up behind dam walls.

I crumble
and fall

and remember it all.

Fiddling around with my theme…

I’m trying out some different layouts…

I want to add a blogroll of people healing from trauma, stress, etc, to encourage community. Also, I am losing track with my messy bookmarks, and hope to visit people’s sites more easily direct from my blogroll!

Please drop a line in the comments if you would like to be added to my blogroll. Or email me at

Business Therapy

Trucking along with this idea of making an income online… I came around a corner and delved into an e-book on how to make it big with an e-book. I’ve answered some of the questions, and it is easier than coming up with a ‘standard business plan.’ This is more of a specific, e-book business plan!

In the meantime, we have set a family goal to achieve. The first combined goal involving making money together!

To share something personal – it wasn’t so long ago when it was difficult for me to get beyond my own front door and face the world. From walking to the letterbox, to walking around the block, to taking trips into town and back, and venturing out on longer walks, we have eventually made it out of town for a small number of trips, and overnight stays, and now even two week stays with family.

Getting sick is a pain, because it feels like I am going backwards, and cocooning into my house again. It is not such a big issue for me dealing with the physical symptoms. The thunder storm has rolled on past, and the sun is shining outdoors again, so a walk around the block with my buggy sniffly, phlegmy family will be a welcome break from the last few days indoors.

So, this is our goal:

To take a two-week tour of the South Island of New Zealand.
This will involve a flight for three of us, approx $1000
Bus tour for three, approx $2000
Accommodation 14 nights approx $1500
and food at approx $400

All very rough estimates and trying to err on the side of having “too much money” rather than being stuck with too little, far from home! Grand Total of around $5000.

I’ll share my secret: This is intended to motivate me to make an income. I have been a homeschooling mum for many years, and making a re-entry into the paid workforce is a very interesting process. Not only do I need motivation to keep my mind of a husband appearing out of thin air, I also need motivation to keep my family supportive of my efforts to create and maintain a business from home. Without the support of those in my own home, it makes all efforts more difficult to sustain.

The special thing about this trip, is that I have always wanted to explore and get to know my own country before venturing out to visit the rest of the world. To know that I can stay away from home for two weeks, means that this trip is possible for me now. And once this trip is completed, I will know that I am ready to travel overseas.

I have taken on-board OM’s very helpful tips in his e-book HarsH ReaLiTy (A Blogging Manual). And have made some specific measurable goals to work towards, which will help me to reach the South Island, and beyond!

  • 100,000 views in six months
  • 6,800 followers in six months
  • Commit to making three comments on new blogs every day (minimum)

Sounds ambitious, and that is the nature of goal-setting. I review my goals weekly, monthly and every three months. Because sometimes they can be too ambitious, or else I have achieved the goal earlier than expected. Or it has evolved into something else. So these figures may change. It is my prompt to get started, and to stay motivated.  Actually, OM is a major motivating force for me. I guess this is because essentially we have a similar aim, of earning an income from blogging in one way or another. Rather than a conventional 9 to 5 day-job or career.

I reckon there’s a few of us out there with the same motivation 🙂

At the root of it, for me, is the desire to spend maximum amount of time with those I love most.

There’s a careful balance needed then, to make sure the means does not swamp the end.

The therapeutic part of this business planning, is in the mindset I strive to develop. It is focused actively on love and hope. And draws the rest of my existence around those things.

Poem Art: Butterfly Celebration

Poem Art: Butterfly Celebration. Look what iaminvisbleme did with my butterfly art! It’s so beautiful!  I like the combination of purple, yellow and pink, it works well together. What a lovely poem!

This touches my heart.

via Poem Art: Butterfly Celebration.

Messiness, I mean ‘Busi-ness’

My mind is a mess

My faulty thoughts

open yawning crevasses

and paint mirages

of a bridge

across the divide.


Failed assurances

to take the role of the man

Provide for a family

and absolve responsibility.


I am not a man.

Closing doors with chilly fear




just out of reach.

The fire is licking

the hearth. As I stare

in the frosty window,



This is where business meets the crossroads with personal. What is the purpose of my business?

Artwork helps to heal…

Perhaps this is bigger than me. My fear cannot be the purpose. It is like planning for what I do not wish to come. To provide for myself and baby alone? Where is the man? Dead?  Surely planning for life is better than planning for death?

What really is the purpose of my business? To help heal.

I could add all sorts of extras. To educate, or to entertain.  Not to protect me from grief and inevitable change. It is time for me to trust.

My business is not about me. It is about what I can do for others.

It is its own entity. My business helps to heal. So… it is in the health industry.

I am revising my one-page plan. This one won’t kill off my man.

Home in Rainbows – Full of Colour!

I’ve started colouring my own artwork, and decided to keep on with it.  I’ll load them here to start with, and also invite you all to visit Art Is The Cure at where many other artists, poets and all sorts of creative types gather with a focus on the healing aspect of the arts. I’ve set up a profile there with this pic uploaded for starters. More to follow.

rainbow houses cropped 600x444 300dpi home in rainbows

I hope that seeing these pics coloured in provides inspiration.  I will keep them off the colouring book part of my blog, as I believe that the colouring is personal, and I like that you can zoom through and choose a black and white pic that catches your eye.  It is a starting point, and the real creativity happens when you pick up your own pencil or crayon and courage to mark the page, or your mind fills with poetry… or gives birth to a song, or a movie!  Let loose and let the creativity flow 🙂

Happy Colouring to you!

Anasera / WilderSoul

Faded memory

You fade


my life has brightened

You fade

because you’re empty and

my life is now filled

You fade


my life moves to far horizons

You fade


My life refreshes my memory.

My faded memory

is you.


Sometimes there are people who create a gash in my tender mind.  Those people fade away, and there is a healing place in my mind to welcome someone new.

New sit-uation

I am sitting, actually crouching, hunkered down on the floor, at a low bedside table typing.  New plans ready to be hatched tomorrow.  And family to catch up with over the weekend.

My thoughts turn to how best to continue with my colouring pages.  I want the pages to be accessible first of all, and affordable to the masses.  The problem I face is how to make my book accessible to those of you who are in my own country.  (Or any country where the shipping is not free.)  Many of us here add enough items to our shopping carts until the shipping becomes a smaller proportion of the price.  Or we buy gifts for friends in countries that have free shipping!

The other problem, is that I would like you all to be able to choose which pictures you would like in a book.

I would like to offer poster sized artwork, at A4 or US Letter size.  (Easy to print out on your printer at home.)  And thought that downloadable PDF files could work well, with a very small price of say 84 cents per book.  These won’t have the same beautiful printing and binding as found in trade paperbacks.  I could design a cover page to print out at home, and you could choose your own way to bind the collection together.  Also, you could print out on card, or textured or coloured paper if you wish!

This is my hope for my new blog shop.

I notice we have lots of visits from Romania, and hope that the children at school there are enjoying colouring in their choice of pictures.

Folded A5 booklets could work out for schools, if the children wanted to collect their favourite pictures and bind them easily into a book.  I would put two pictures per A4 page (or US Letter size) that can be folded in half.  Then design a cover which folds in the same way, and they can all be stapled together along the fold.  If available, the cover could be printed on to thin card.

The same could be good for offering a supply of colouring books to helpful healing places who do not have a lot of funds to provide free colouring books.

So, that is what I will start solving and working on tomorrow, and for the next two weeks.

Hope you all have some moments of joy over the weekend.