Blogging and stuff

Maybe I will not make money from blogging. Maybe I won’t make and sell colouring books. Maybe it is all too hard to try and build a family business, or set up in online publishing, or a gallery, or media such as online film/tv/radio/animation, or an indie record label. Maybe I could just get a little job proofreading stuff.

Perhaps all of this will turn out to be a little personal blog which had some big dreams, and found that it would take too much to accomplish them.

I’ve been through many different ways to set up shop, and the $54 in total I have made was mostly from selling downloadable colouring pictures directly from my own blog.

Perhaps the blog needs to be separated from the business side of life. I am looking into a separate website for commercial use. I feel a bit sad about it, since I know I have a certain amount of hours in the day, and pouring time and effort into a separate commercial blog, may take away much of my time here on these personal blogs.

There is a certain ‘safety’ in the impersonal nature of professional communications. I feel like it would be a step away from learning how to talk about personal things which are of deep concern. It is still difficult to talk about things related to trauma in person, face-to-face, although I notice that I am able to divert or postpone a conversation, rather than lose track of my surroundings and sort of disappear into the trauma-related conversation. It is still upsetting to have it brought up unexpectedly in conversation.

I have about one and a half months before it will be brought up in conversation, with the possibility of losing our home as a possible result of that conversation. I may have to move back to where the trauma happened. Who knows, perhaps this may be the best thing, anyway.

Two options, one to carry on, and push through with everything I have got. The other to give up, or put things on the back burner. I don’t think it is as simple as this. There is so much I have learned from blogging, and from meeting so many different bloggers, with so many different experiences, and ways of running their blogs.

My little foray into advertising has given me an idea of what is required to set up for selling. Thing is, would take all my time doing the selling side of things, and would I have time left to make things? So I wonder, do I make things, and find someone else to sell them? Or sell things, and find other people to make them?

Or I could just get a little proofreading job somehow, somewhere, and forget about everything else. Maybe start writing creatively and reading fiction, which is something which stopped due to trauma, decades ago. It is good to be reading fiction again. Difficult, but not too difficult. Certainly not freaking me out. 🙂

With the thought of this being a personal blog, I can think of disconnecting other things like LinkedIn, and stop any form of advertising on my blog. Perhaps it could work. My kids have learned a huge amount about setting up in self-employment and online marketing through this whole process and that will give them a good start.

This may be a response to certain stressors over the last week. I watched a video this morning which showed the elation of starting towards a goal, and the elation of accomplishing it at the end, and this big part in the middle which is just plain hard, and feels like a good time to give up.

Just to let you know, I feel like giving up sometimes. There is a big part of me that always says, wait until tomorrow. I may feel much better in the morning. Usually this is true, and if not, I wait until the next morning, and the next, until things inevitably change.

I also pray a lot.

Perhaps I would have more time, if I simply took a proofreading job… It is something I have never really considered doing before as I thought it would drive me nutty checking every single word. Strangely, now that I have tried it, it really is quite enjoyable. I feel useful, it is reasonably easy work for me, it can be done online, from home, and involves no heavy lifting!

Perhaps there are lots of authors who are writing as a hobby, with a substantial income from elsewhere, who would be quite happy to hire a proofreader for their novel, or short stories, or children’s books, or memoirs.

I will have to give it some thought overnight. The colouring book may have reached its pinnacle. Book number two is almost ready. It takes a day to draw up a new “Circle” for the series, in between other tasks. Takes a bit out of me, due to it being hands-on art. Lots of housework and garden work this week or so, it is wearing me out a little.

Since I was about seven years old, I had the thought of publishing other people’s work. People who were good at telling stories. I wanted to make the stories into a treasured book.

I have had other passing fancies, such as becoming a famous artist, or a movie star. They weren’t the same sort of feeling as my desire to create something which made a treasure out of what other people had created. That dream involved a lot more love. It was like the other people didn’t know what a treasure they were. What a treasure their words were. What treasures they created. And I wanted them to know. I wanted everyone to know.

Those other people, were my family.

A Story of a Minotaur, or “What a Lot of Bull.”

And this is how the story begins, with a letter, freshly written on rumpled lined paper, barely brushed free of sleep and hidden dreams.

Dear brother,

I walked down the maze,
and saw the Minotaur
eating human flesh.

His keepers wrapped a rope
around my delicate neck.

The stocks were for me
and my whole family.

And all that was left
of old Mr Plod,
was a cap
floating
in a cauldron of hot cat.

The Minotaur’s trainer
began the Appetizing Game,
Showing the wild monster
some blood
without screams.

(He did not wish
to put the beast off)

The stabbings began
and I was stretched on a rack;
The Minotaur slept
after a complex mating ritual.

What a lot of Bull.

The lid lifted on the maze.
The sun dried up the blood.
The mad Minotaur
screamed in pain
as the light shone bright
on all his mutated ugliness.

And his lovers
were shot, by a passing helicopter
of Armed Defenders.

They discovered the Magician
still clutching trembling wand,
curled up in the corner
repeating his own name.
They chopped off his fame.

Dear brother,
I saw
the mad Minotaur
as they turned him into mincemeat
and dug him into the garden.

Where now I sit.
Enjoy the sweet scent of blossoming Spring.
Dear brother,
It was a long time ago,
and I sincerely want you to know,

the madness of the maze
has been clearly exposed.

Your sister,
in truth.

===== Also on video courtesy of YouTube ====

Thanks for following

I was going to take some time off after a difficult couple of weeks culminating in a difficult interview. And I decided No. I am going to stick it out like a skeleton crew and do what I can. (Tucks feelings away). I had to talk about why I believe in what I am doing, setting up a business online. Unfortunately this means pulling skeletons out of the closet. And they are not very nice to express with my voice. Let alone bring them to mind. Or put them on paper.

It’s not that bad really. For some reason I thought it would be good to make a dentist appointment straight after the interview. o.O When I got home I went straight to bed. I’ve replied to all my comments, visited my Facebook and LinkedIn connections, and am in the middle of revising my disjointed CV into something that can be posted online. I’m keeping it focused on the arts.

So, I will be getting out of the house for the next few days, with a bit of tooth fun at the dental place, a festival over the weekend with music and dance, along with the opening a food place by a couple who sing and play drums! It should be fun. I intend to fully take my mind off things.

Perhaps even celebrate. O says my heart, and starts singing… “My heart is down, my head is turning around, I had to leave a little girl in Kingston town…”

Ok thinking out loud

Ok I am going to think out loud.
Blogging is about community
Writers and artists of all kinds
meet daily with their audience
up close, in person, rubbing shoulders
noticing hairy nostrils and
smell
of deodorant

A writer sits in a well-lit attic
room with a view of a lake
for contemplation
typewriters stacked obsoletely

I got distracted with the words down the left side.
Start again.
Thinking about where to go next
First it was art, education and kids
Then work, and it is not necessary
to teach at a school, or have a degree to
work as an art teacher and yet is that what I want?

Psychology, philosophy, religion, spirituality
fits with thoughts of healing
the mind, the spirit, the soul.
Dream pictures create good artwork
says a counsellor
she knows her world and art is an investment.

Pure expression
creativity in motion
alive in many shifting forms
here is the opportunity
to choose a creative path to
stay on, to live with
for the rest of my
life

A long poem

with sweet breath
upon velvet skin
i breathe you in
hay and horseflesh

silky fur
static with sunlight
purring in delight
cat and meatbreath

fluttering beauty
fragile strength
hold my breath
butterfly sips nectar

rough and ready
panting hard
loyal eyes adoring
dog-roll and cow-pats

milky slowness
docile heaviness
maternity swells
cud-chewing bovine

playful antics
upon my warm bed
pouncing in mock attack
kitten chews my finger

budding blossoms
secrete scent
for sweet-seeking
birds and bees

Thought it was time for an animal poem. I love animals.

Honor her

Magnetic Poetry honor her

 

 

Butterfly and orphan cat

DSC08899

I finally got a photo of a butterfly. They are pretty shy and cautious and hard to get close to with a camera. This is what they are busy doing, laying eggs on the underside of the swan plant leaves.

There are a few photos to load up on to the Wildersoul Rainbows blog. I will get to it soon.

It is hard to believe that summer is not far away. It has been a very short winter, and an early start to warmer spring weather.

This butterfly is likely to end up in a colouring book…

As for the orphan cat… he/she is quite a character, and very very talkative. Pretty well all day and all night. It had a play with my camera strap so I got some unusual photos out of that. They will end up at Wildersoul Rainbows too.

Well… I will post one here.

DSC08924All is well.

Evening thoughts on blogs

I am hatching a new plan for my blogs.

Enough said.

~♦~

Random    words   fill
   light     love
triangles squares circles
full brimming round
  sweet savoury sour
dripping    honey bears
coolness colliding
  slipping sliding
    waterfall
       inspiring
  swimming reminding
evergreens everglades
 misty mountain pool
clear-eyed spring fresh
   billabong of purity
lullaby     song
    refreshing      long
splash    splish   splosh
   load of hogwash
trepidation      new
      letting go      release
relief   treasure found
   treasure lost
paradise sparkles
   reflection
lake of desire      cool
      fresh  new-
zeal    and
  morning sunset and evening sunrise
upside down    poles     apart
    love beauty kindness
revelling in blindness-
        to
      you
   and your
not going to say
biting my tongue
biting my lip
withholding taxes
       me

Tiredness

Sharing problems? Mine is tiredness. Falling asleep at the table tiredness. Sleeping over 12 hours tiredness, and bone-weary muscle-ache tiredness… I hope it passes soon.

Sometimes my mind gets stuffed with ideas, and they may never be carried through to completion. So I am going to type a big glob of them out so they are no longer in my head. Do you ever do this?????

Alphabet colouring book, with one page per beautiful letter, and a short illustrated poem, with space for learning to write the letter underneath it all. Lots of time in the garden early springtime sunshine in a warm month of August which doesn’t seem like Winter at all. Medicine made of liquorice and aniseed, peppermints and chocolates, coffee, and sweet cakes, with juicy sweet oranges and soup-in-a-cup homemade. Truth and nothing but the truth, in a world of lies. Honesty as a healing and not as a weapon. Friends, in abundance, with time and space, and solitude for breathing and spontaneous uncalled-for smiles, giggles, and cats who are really kittens who haven’t unlearned how to kiss. Family who understand, even when they don’t. A garden that produces food all over, again and again. Money as a form of energy which flows where it is needed the most. Love which is intelligent and pours out in exactly the right dose, and knows when to ladle out double quantity at dessert time. Cream with sweet peaches in syrup. Cats that meow hello, and purr in a box with a sheepskin, and hiss and growl at night while staying in the doorway because they call it home, and you turn the outdoor lights on and go out, breaking off a stick from the nearby tangly bush and rattle it under the house and around about to scare off any intruder that has upset the orphan cat in a box on the doorstep. Blogs that collect views and followers and commenters all by themselves while you sleep. Special people who make themselves known… Words which are filled with light, and who knows where the light came from? A home that is mobile because it is carried in the heart. Space which is the depths of a great spirit, with stars that truly twinkle. Food that is not food, it is a meal, and shared with love. Smiles that bring tears. Weeping that brings smiles. Music that wrenches the heart into sobs, and songs that lift up to places divine. Colour that brings life, and a life filled with colour. Rainbows of hope that build bridges between hearts. Cool liquid that soothes the throat and brings sweet relief. A fresh pillowslip. A real bed. A place to call home, to rest your head.

For the fifth time……. so far…. good night!
It’s almost 10pm and perhaps my tiredness is wearing off! I’ll see how early I can roll out of bed tomorrow. Hopefully without headaches or faintness.

New routine

I’ve been feeling a bit ruffled since starting the dissolvingbuildings.com blog. This morning I thought of a new routine to try out. It may or not work in practice. Only one way to find out!

One. Spirituality…  I need to find an outlet, and nourishment for the spiritual side of me. And it has to come first, so I’m going to start with this each morning.

Two. Means of living… Next I will work on dissolvingbuildings.com, creating content to encourage community interaction. I would like to highlight people’s work so I guess it would be a bit like an online publisher, or a niche bookshop… I’ll get it sorted, what kind of an animal is it really? I will allot it the time it requires early in the day.

Three.  Healing, and giving to others… This means my colouring book. The artwork-a-day routine is very healthy for me, and I want to complete my goal of a year’s worth of artwork available for free over the internet. I want this to be a healing sort of environment.

Four. Interaction…. Instead of likes and follows, I want to make comments. Who knows what will come of it! I am interested to find out. I am wondering if the percentages will change. Instead of a smaller percentage of comments out of a very large amount of views, I want to see if I get a larger amount of comments from a smaller number of views. Because at the end of it all, I would like to grow a creative community of people with as little effort as possible in bringing them all together. Call me lazy (?!)

Five. Exercise. Probably between about 3-5pm. Maybe play with a basketball and shoot some hoops or something. Something a little more vigorous than my usual long walks.

Six. And this is the part I look forward to, and what is most often put off… Learning! I like to read, study, practice, and create. And perhaps, I could set apart this last part of the day to learn with others, in person somewhere. Mostly, I want to create a colouring book at home. And I need to devote some time to it. It has to be a little different from the standard colouring books.

I’ve simplified it a lot, and there are things missing which will probably shuffle into weekends and odd pockets of the day.

I avoid deadlines as much as possible, and setting specific times to do things. I do get very specific about my goals, and have regular checks weekly and monthly to review them and make changes or update them. Usually my timing is way out. I either achieve a goal in a few months that I set for a year, or I take a year or more to achieve something I set out to do in a few months. It’s all part of the process and I adjust the timeframe to suit as I go along.